I often worry before sharing my reality around the difficult days for autistic people.
My whole life is about advocating for positive autistic identity; but we must be allowed the space to express our experience as the result of living in a society less accepting and tolerant of who we are.
It isn’t about being defeatist or negative.
It’s about being autistic.
It’s about feeling.
It’s about using our voices.
I’m experiencing some sadness today.
I am finding with age,
Autistic burnout makes it’s presence known more often.
There is, always has been
So much I want to do with my life
And my being prevents me.
My body, my brain
Is not my enemy.
It serves to protect
The very sensitive being that I am
My being has a sacred, fragile process
And I am learning as the years pass
That I must honour this.
But with this,
Comes a sense of grief.
Of letting go.
Just as I’ve had to learn to take my masks off,
I’ve been in a cycle of learning to strip back
And strip back
And strip back
For we do, live in a society
And not so much
A society that works hard toward
Having autistic people
Be like everyone else.
No permission for being.
And yet we are,
Here to feel
To discover ways to bring change
This is what our autistic population is best at
Being the change
In order to
But this is an exhausting process
In a world that doesn’t want to accept change
That fights to preserve many systems
That fail us and our differences.
Our bodies take it all on
The energy of everything
And after a lifetime of masking
And not knowing who I am
I am now raw
And there is no hiding
No hiding from the energies
We are here to feel
And to bring change
I have been exhausted for days now
There is so much I want to do
There are days where I worry
That my life will be stripped back to nothing.
And there are days where I am grateful
That I have no choice but to take care of myself.
But in a world that doesn’t understand me
In a world that sees sensitivity and fragility as weaknesses
Rather than the strengths that they are
It can be difficult to respect and appreciate
This is real.
Love and nurture the autistic person
In your life
To be the change.
To bring change.
Image: Mario Sanchez Nevado