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© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

ABN 78 435 698 441

Autistic beings

October 17, 2019

 

I often worry before sharing my reality around the difficult days for autistic people.
My whole life is about advocating for positive autistic identity; but we must be allowed the space to express our experience as the result of living in a society less accepting and tolerant of who we are.
It isn’t about being defeatist or negative.
It’s about being autistic.
It’s about feeling.
It’s about using our voices.

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I’m experiencing some sadness today.

I am finding with age,

Autistic burnout makes it’s presence known more often.

There is, always has been

So much I want to do with my life

And my being prevents me.

My body, my brain

My autism

Is not my enemy.

It serves to protect

To preserve

The very sensitive being that I am

My being has a sacred, fragile process

And I am learning as the years pass

That I must honour this.

But with this,

Comes a sense of grief.

Powerlessness.

Of letting go.

Just as I’ve had to learn to take my masks off,

I’ve been in a cycle of learning to strip back

And strip back

And strip back

The layers

Of doing.

For we do, live in a society

That values

Doing.

And not so much

Being.

A society that works hard toward

Having autistic people

Do more

Be more

Perform more

Be like everyone else.

No permission for being.

And yet we are,

Just that.

Autistic beings.

Here to feel

To observe

To hear

To analyse

To process

To discover ways to bring change

This is what our autistic population is best at

Being the change

In order to

Bring change

Evolution

But this is an exhausting process

In a world that doesn’t want to accept change

That fights to preserve many systems

That fail us and our differences.

It’s exhausting.

Our bodies take it all on

The emotions

The energy of everything

And after a lifetime of masking

Denying

And not knowing who I am

I am now raw

Authentic

And there is no hiding

No hiding from the energies

The people

The atmosphere

The criticism

The impact

We are here to feel

And to bring change

I have been exhausted for days now

Vertigo

Fatigue

Nausea

Pain

Sensory sensitivity

There is so much I want to do

But cannot.

There are days where I worry

That my life will be stripped back to nothing.

And there are days where I am grateful

That I have no choice but to take care of myself.

But in a world that doesn’t understand me

In a world that sees sensitivity and fragility as weaknesses

Rather than the strengths that they are

It can be difficult to respect and appreciate

Burnout.

This is real.

Very real.

Love and nurture the autistic person

In your life

Here

To be the change.

To bring change.
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Kristy Forbes
inTune Pathways
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Image: Mario Sanchez Nevado

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