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© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

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Our Instrinsic Selves

July 31, 2019

Our instrinsic self

Knows who we are

Even when our conscious self

Doesn’t.

Long hair and fake lashes

Attachment to my physical appearance

Being representative of my ‘femininity’

Fear

A knowing

That all the very worst things

Society said I could be

I probably was

Fear of others knowing

I was autistic

Fear of others’ assumptions

About my identity

Fear of others thinking

Fear of others

Fear

Fear of

Fear of me

Living in darkness

Dressed in only black

Mourning

Grieving

Longing for

An identity 

Obsessed with my weight

Fitting in

Conforming

And becoming chronically ill

Because I was not born

To fit in

To conform

I am autistic

I am a being

I see people

Not gender

Categorisation

Stereotyping

Stigmatising

Discriminating

Rubbish 

I discovered

My fears

Were but projections

Of my own insecurities

My judgements of others

Were born of my own self rejection

But my instrinsic self knows

It knows who I am

Autism beckoned me to light

I began to wear colour

Cut off that long dark hair

Let go of those beliefs and ideas

Let it all go

And I breathe out now

And trust

In the process of letting go

Unlayering

Unmasking

Becoming

My most authentic

Autistic expression

I allow all my fears

And insecurities

To wash over me

And guide me

Home.

 

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