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© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

ABN 78 435 698 441

The Bittersweet Neurotype

July 20, 2019

 

**Trigger warning - The Eff Word**

In a classroom, ⁣

I couldn't focus.⁣

Any noise, any person,⁣

the energies of others.⁣

In the workplace, ⁣

I was moved on several occasions, ⁣

away from others.⁣

To allow them to work.⁣

I like to talk, ⁣

and think,⁣

and discuss every thought.⁣

I've not been able to focus⁣

where there are other living beings.⁣

People, animals, even inanimate objects.⁣

As I've aged, ⁣

post diagnosis,⁣

I've noticed more and more⁣

My inability to focus.⁣

And now, here, in this space,⁣

where there are no people, ⁣

no sounds,⁣

I am yet to focus.⁣

My brain⁣

overactive.⁣

Never stopping.⁣

On waking, ⁣

already on the fifth paragraph of a story⁣

of thought.⁣

My dreams⁣

centred around my previous day,⁣

My past experiences⁣

analysing, analysing, analysing.⁣

Tick fucking tock.⁣

Sometimes I want it to stop.⁣

So I can be.⁣

In the moment.⁣

Alas⁣

There is much to be thought of,⁣

noticed,⁣

analysed,⁣

understood,⁣

improved,⁣

perfected.⁣

So on it goes.⁣

Entire days pass⁣

and nothing done.⁣

The anxiety and frustration ⁣

that follows⁣

is painful.⁣

My travelling consciousness⁣

visiting all the places and spaces⁣

finding all the solutions⁣

to all the problems⁣

even when they aren't.⁣

Like sleeping⁣

while awake.⁣

Off I go,⁣

then I'm back.⁣

Where was I?⁣

Where did I go?⁣

Where have I been?⁣

A choiceless journey.⁣

Yet I wouldn't give it up⁣

if it meant giving up being autistic.⁣

The bittersweet neurotype.⁣

---------------------------⁣

Kristy Forbes.⁣

Artist: Jon M. Fletcher⁣

 

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