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© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

ABN 78 435 698 441

Making amends

March 5, 2019

 

Making Amends
****************

I started with stillness.
.
Just ‘being’ beside her.
.
I took a deep breath and I sighed.
.
Choked back my tears
.
I looked at the floor
.
And I said to her
.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I have been trying to help you and I thought what I was doing was right. I thought that all the places I took you, all the people we saw were right for you.”
.
She stopped playing.
.
She started rocking.
.
“Mummy is going to listen to you. I’m going to pay attention to you, in all the ways I can and I’m going to learn from you.”
.
She smiled.
.
“You are beautiful and so, so smart, and so funny. Thank you for having me be your Mum.”
.
She walked over and sat on me.
.
“I see you. I see who you are.”
.
With her back to me, she leaned back against me and we rested in each other.
.
It took another three years.
.
Three years for her to recover from us speaking of her in her presence
.
From us arguing late at night
.
Burnt out
.
Scared
.
Given a doom and gloom narrative for our little girl.
.
Believing all we were told.
.
Giving away our power to strangers who believed they knew her best, knew what she needed.
.
She knows what she needs.
.
And she tells us.
.
Not with words.
.
In many other ways.
.
She is patient, kind, unrelentingly forgiving.
.
She is resilient.
.
There is no language to validate and see her.
.
And how I feel, what I feel, who she has shown me I am.
.
And who I can be.
.
We rest in each other.
.
Pure loving energy.
.
Unspoken connection.
.
We connect through repetition.
.
Drum beats on our bodies.
.
Music.
.
Rhythm
.
Rocking
.
Presence
.
Stillness
.
Faith
.
Hope
.
Humour.
.
And oh that light.
.
She communicates with me through connection
.
And I amplify her story
.
The lessons she has for all of us
.
Within her
.
I amplify her message
.
To the world
.
We connect
.
Unconventionally
.
Beautifully
.
Effortlessly
.
Through stillness
.
Intuition
.
She reads me, my energy
.
And I, hers
.
Reading the energies of others
.
Is her superpower.
.
I feel my heart expand
.
Inside of my chest
.
And out
.
Our children
.
Are pure love
.
Knowledge
.
Wisdom
.
With so many offerings
.
A new way
.
A new path
.
A new hope
.
She has shown me
.
To step outside of our current paradigm
.
To let go of
.
Everything I think I know
.
About autism.
.
About being human.
.
Our children
.
Are beckoning us
.
To step into the light
.
To let go
.
To rest in love.
.
To take a leap
.
In faith
.
And to return
.
To love.
.
To peace.
.
To truth.
.
.
.
.
Kristy Forbes
Autism & Neurodiversity Support Specialist
inTune Pathways

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