• Untitled design (8)
  • Untitled design (9)
  • Untitled design (12)
  • Untitled design (11)

© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

ABN 78 435 698 441

Our children are not lost

December 30, 2018

Our children 
.
Are not lost
.
They do not 
.
Need to be found
.
It is us
.
That are lost
.
Our children 
.
Are not trapped
.
Locked inside another child 
.
Strangers
.
Imposters in our homes and lives
.
It is us
.
That are strange
.
Imposters in our lives
.
For all the days, weeks, months and years
.
I cried
.
Spoke in her presence
.
Of my rejection of her
.
Of her autism
.
Pathologised her
.
In her presence
.
With experts, professionals, friends and family
.
She remained consistent
.
In who she is
.
Her being
.
Resilient
.
Strong
.
Of all the therapies, diets, books, experts
.
I sought
.
To change her
.
To fix her
.
To recover her
.
She remained consistent
.
Resilient
.
Strong
.
Of all the ways
.
We film, write, broadcast, bring camera crews into our homes, talk, cry, run open commentary
.
Over our children
.
Because we are sad
.
We are lost
.
We are broken
.
We are exhausted
.
We are scared
.
We are isolated
.
They remain consistent
.
Resilient
.
Strong
.
What we miss
.
Is that all of the behaviours
.
That we want to abolish
.
Cure
.
Fix
.
Change
.
Are all responses
.
Derivative
.
Of their knowing
.
Their understanding
.
That they aren’t accepted
.
Unconditionally
.
Like their peers
.
Like other children
.
Their knowing
.
Their understanding
.
That we long 
.
For polished
.
More socially acceptable
.
Less challenging
.
Versions
.
Of them
.
There is no question
.
That we love our children
.
But it is us
.
That need recovering
.
That need educating
.
That need changing
.
Fixing
.
To be cured
.
From the sickness
.
Of conformity
.
From the fear
.
Of rejection
.
And the madness
.
That we don’t even recognise
.
That the very things 
.
That we fear
.
That we work to avoid
.
Are the very things
.
We do to our children
.
When they do not fit the mould
.
Chronic illness
.
Drove me into a dark, black hole
.
Grief
.
Fear
.
Madness
.
And I asked myself
.
“What if everyone was raising a child like mine?”
.
And I realised
.
I would feel differently
.
It was about
.
A social model
.
Of conformity
.
My fear of difference
.
And I changed
.
Small steps
.
I sought help
.
To begin to heal myself
.
From the sadness
.
Fear
.
Self loathing
.
Self rejection
.
That I had long carried
.
That had been carried before me
.
And before her
.
And before her
.
Our systemic regimentation
.
My toxic emotional, energetic load
.
I began to seek new sources of information for my child
.
The voices of autistic adults
.
I began to challenge 
.
Myself
.
My thinking
.
My feeling
.
My being
.
My learning
.
My education
.
And I discovered
.
That I was
.
A shell
.
I stopped projecting
.
Started living in the moment
.
Became present 
.
Joined my child
.
In this world
.
Together
.
And there she was
.
Strong
.
Resilient
.
Waiting
.
For me to change
.
To be fixed
.
Cured
.
Recovered
.
And I saw her
.
I truly saw her
.
And the grief flowed
.
The shame
.
The first years of my beautiful baby’s life
.
I had wasted
.
Thrown away
.
Fighting what is
.
And what is
.
Is beautiful
.
And perfect
.
We reject
.
What is different
.
Those who move differently
.
Sound different
.
Think differently
.
The gravity of that rejection
.
Is all encompassing
.
We don’t even accept
.
That many of our brothers and sisters 
.
Who are different
.
Can think
.
At all
.
An endless
.
Downhill
.
Unsteady slope
.
Of pathologising
.
Our children
.
The shame
.
The sadness
.
The desperation
.
I weep
.
For our families
.
Our beautiful autistic children
.
It is us
.
That suffer
.
Disordered
.
Resistant
.
Ableist
.
Elitist
.
My child changed
.
Yes
.
As I changed
.
As my energy transformed
.
My being
.
As I made peace
.
With my past
.
My present
.
My future
.
Myself
.
As I grew
.
To know myself
.
To understand myself
.
To love and accept myself
.
She changed
.
Our struggle
.
Our battle
.
Our fight
.
Isn’t with our children
.
It is
.
With us
.
Ourselves
.
She changed
.
She was finally safe
.
Secure
.
She trusted me
.
She is pure love
.
Forgiveness
.
Our children
.
Do not need
.
To learn
.
Resilience
.
They are the most resilient 
.
Beings 
.
To exist
.
Our children
.
Do not need
.
To tell us 
.
They love us
.
The acceptance
.
Empathy
.
Tolerance 
.
Forgiveness
.
Extended to me 
.
Every day
.
Is pure
.
Love
.
Our children 
.
Are wise
.
They know
.
What they need
.
They are 
.
Communicating
.
With us
.
In many ways
.
They are 
.
Our greatest
.
Teachers
.
Our children are 
.
Our greatest 
.
Healers
.
But whether we allow this
.
Is entirely 
.
Our choice
.

.
.
.
Kristy Forbes
inTune Pathways
Autism & Neurodiversity Support Specialist

Please reload

Recent Posts

November 11, 2019

November 11, 2019

November 11, 2019

November 11, 2019

October 29, 2019

October 29, 2019

Please reload

Stay Up-To-Date with New Posts

Search By Tags

I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!

Please reload