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© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

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The chance to know ourselves

October 25, 2018

 

 

 

The chance to know ourselves.
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When the first of my children (of four) was diagnosed autistic 6 years ago, I wasn't interested in what it meant.
.
I was cure oriented.
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I didn't want the life I imagined came with the diagnosis.
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I lay on my bed, sobbing for months, in fact, years.
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I enrolled her in a therapy that wasn't right for her (or any autistic child for that matter)..
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I became someone I wasn't.
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I believed I had lost connection..with myself, with my children, with my husband, with my friends.
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But here's the truth..
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I was never connected.
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I wore a mask, struggled through the days, wondered what was wrong with me, why would my child be disabled?
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But amongst all of this, there was an underlying KNOWING. .
An intuition.
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I knew that this was where life as we knew it ended and something bigger began.
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It was through my child, that I was gifted patience, tolerance, unconditional love, the willingness to give up the illusion of control and to live each day far better than I ever had.
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She plugged me in, switched me on.
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She lit up a strength, a force I had no idea was inside.
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And all the while these attributes were developing, growing inside, I felt I was failing.
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As a woman, as a Mother, as a wife, at life.
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I surrendered. I threw in the towel.
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I stopped fighting what was.
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And everything changed.
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More of our children were diagnosed along with my husband and I and guess what?
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It wasn't devastating, it was a relief.
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To know, to finally understand.
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To begin to come into myself; Who I was meant to be.
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To begin to heal.
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To follow my childrens' lead.
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I don't teach, I am taught.
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Humility. Grace. Through all of our days.
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And for the first time in all of my life, my childrens' diagnoses gifted our family with a happiness and harmony we'd never known.
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If you're fighting, feeling you're failing, consistently suffering and struggling..
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Maybe it's time to give up the fight.
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I put down my oars, and everything I truly wanted was downstream.
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And in time, none of what ails us today will matter.
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Live for today, for your children, for yourself.
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Our challenges are opportunities for growth and new understandings.

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