• Untitled design (8)
  • Untitled design (9)
  • Untitled design (12)
  • Untitled design (11)

© 2023 by inTune Pathways 

ABN 78 435 698 441

Search
  • Kristy Forbes

The Bittersweet Neurotype

Updated: Feb 25


**Trigger warning - The Eff Word** In a classroom, ⁣ ⁣ I couldn't focus.⁣ ⁣ Any noise, any person,⁣ ⁣ the energies of others.⁣ ⁣ In the workplace, ⁣ ⁣ I was moved on several occasions, ⁣ ⁣ away from others.⁣ ⁣ To allow them to work.⁣ ⁣ I like to talk, ⁣ ⁣ and think,⁣ ⁣ and discuss every thought.⁣ ⁣ I've not been able to focus⁣ ⁣ where there are other living beings.⁣ ⁣ People, animals, even inanimate objects.⁣ ⁣ As I've aged, ⁣ ⁣ post diagnosis,⁣ ⁣ I've noticed more and more⁣ ⁣ My inability to focus.⁣ ⁣ And now, here, in this space,⁣ ⁣ where there are no people, ⁣ ⁣ no sounds,⁣ ⁣ I am yet to focus.⁣ ⁣ My brain⁣ ⁣ overactive.⁣ ⁣ Never stopping.⁣ ⁣ On waking, ⁣ ⁣ already on the fifth paragraph of a story⁣ ⁣ of thought.⁣ ⁣ My dreams⁣ ⁣ centred around my previous day,⁣ ⁣ My past experiences⁣ ⁣ analysing, analysing, analysing.⁣ ⁣ Tick fucking tock.⁣ ⁣ Sometimes I want it to stop.⁣ ⁣ So I can be.⁣ ⁣ In the moment.⁣ ⁣ Alas⁣ ⁣ There is much to be thought of,⁣ ⁣ noticed,⁣ ⁣ analysed,⁣ ⁣ understood,⁣ ⁣ improved,⁣ ⁣ perfected.⁣ ⁣ So on it goes.⁣ ⁣ Entire days pass⁣ ⁣ and nothing done.⁣ ⁣ The anxiety and frustration ⁣ ⁣ that follows⁣ ⁣ is painful.⁣ ⁣ My travelling consciousness⁣ ⁣ visiting all the places and spaces⁣ ⁣ finding all the solutions⁣ ⁣ to all the problems⁣ ⁣ even when they aren't.⁣ ⁣ Like sleeping⁣ ⁣ while awake.⁣ ⁣ Off I go,⁣ ⁣ then I'm back.⁣ ⁣ Where was I?⁣ ⁣ Where did I go?⁣ ⁣ Where have I been?⁣ ⁣ A choiceless journey.⁣ ⁣ Yet I wouldn't give it up⁣ ⁣ if it meant giving up being autistic.⁣ ⁣ The bittersweet neurotype.⁣ ⁣ ---------------------------⁣ ⁣ Kristy Forbes.⁣ ⁣ Artist: Jon M. Fletcher⁣


5 views