I honour my anxiety
Updated: Feb 25
I honour my anxiety. -------------------
Anxiety is the body’s complex way of protecting, sustaining and preserving the life of an autistic person.
It is a perfectly natural and functional part of the autistic being.
When we approach it with fear, an attitude of disrespect and disdain, We strengthen it.
When we tell anxiety it is not wanted here, it is not welcome here We are rejecting an offering of guidance.
Anxiety communicates to us that something is different Something is wrong Something is unfamiliar Something is frightening.
Anxiety attempts to demonstrate to us that in the moments where our environment is changing, it will prepare us.
Anxiety does not know the difference between reality and imagined reality. It only serves to protect; To contain life.
The human being is, in it’s most primal form, Of animal origin.
The brain and body are born together And seek composition.
To sing together To work In tune.
The autistic being Is anatomically diverse By nature Organically Structurally Naturally Perfectly.
The brain Encompasses Diversity In it’s communication With the body And is by nature Overreactive
The autistic body Works faster Than the autistic mind.
Our bodies take on What our minds require more space, time and freedom To process.
Anxiety tells the autistic body To prepare To shake To sweat To become tense To prepare
For Flight, fight, Or freeze.
It seeks connection with the autistic mind But there is a short term disconnect A waiting period
My body tells me Something isn’t right My mind asks What the hell is it And I have no choice But to sit And wait For the knowing To arrive.
There is no telling How long this will be.
When we approach anxiety with Fear Anger Resistance We summon it
There is no ‘window of opportunity’ To correct the autistic being
There is nothing To fix or cure
It is a complex and wise system Of diversity
Does that make it wrong? Does that render it dysfunctional? Or autistically functional?
Normal. For the autistic.
There is no danger in childhood Panic for intervention To solve the riddle Of the autistic brain And it’s complexities In comparison to the non autistic brain
Challenging Painful Intense Overwhelming Yet brilliant
I refuse to reject my neurology I will not reject my being I integrate all my parts Both challenging and rewarding I honour my anxiety. I honour the processes created to serve and protect my life. My wellbeing.
My anxiety seeks resolution It asks for the power to be returned to that which it protects
It seeks control It begs for flexibility To be heard Understood Valued Validated
It is wise Knows my fragility and sensitivity Recognises my incredible need for protection
My anxiety asks for me to have more Space Freedom Autonomy
For my diversity, my difference To be respected Appreciated
My anxiety works hard To achieve a space of safety and security Just for me
Because it knows and recognises That difference, that diversity Has not been well received.
It carries with it and brings forth this knowing From generations gone by. Familial imprints. Memories.
What we resist Will persist.
The pressure we create in our autistic children To be rid of a part of their complex Being
Creates the need for anxiety to work double time
My anxiety is in it for life By my side My protector And I honour it.
I communicate to it “I am safe. I am secure. I am respected. I am valued. I respect and hear you and honour the way you serve to guide and protect me”.
And the beast in all it’s beauty returns To it’s quiet, rested space.
Until next time.
Kristy Forbes Autism & Neurodiversity Support Specialist inTune Pathways
Image: Kate Arends