The chance to know ourselves
Updated: Feb 25
The chance to know ourselves. . When the first of my children (of four) was diagnosed autistic 6 years ago, I wasn't interested in what it meant. . I was cure oriented. . I didn't want the life I imagined came with the diagnosis. . I lay on my bed, sobbing for months, in fact, years. . I enrolled her in a therapy that wasn't right for her (or any autistic child for that matter).. . I became someone I wasn't. . I believed I had lost connection..with myself, with my children, with my husband, with my friends. . But here's the truth.. . I was never connected. . I wore a mask, struggled through the days, wondered what was wrong with me, why would my child be disabled? . But amongst all of this, there was an underlying KNOWING. . An intuition. . I knew that this was where life as we knew it ended and something bigger began. . It was through my child, that I was gifted patience, tolerance, unconditional love, the willingness to give up the illusion of control and to live each day far better than I ever had. . She plugged me in, switched me on. . She lit up a strength, a force I had no idea was inside. . And all the while these attributes were developing, growing inside, I felt I was failing. . As a woman, as a Mother, as a wife, at life. . I surrendered. I threw in the towel. . I stopped fighting what was. . And everything changed. . More of our children were diagnosed along with my husband and I and guess what? . It wasn't devastating, it was a relief. . To know, to finally understand. . To begin to come into myself; Who I was meant to be. . To begin to heal. . To follow my childrens' lead. . I don't teach, I am taught. . Humility. Grace. Through all of our days. . And for the first time in all of my life, my childrens' diagnoses gifted our family with a happiness and harmony we'd never known. . If you're fighting, feeling you're failing, consistently suffering and struggling.. . Maybe it's time to give up the fight. . I put down my oars, and everything I truly wanted was downstream. . And in time, none of what ails us today will matter. . Live for today, for your children, for yourself. . Our challenges are opportunities for growth and new understandings.